Worst treasure hunt ever.
Do you ever feel like the years pass by so much faster after you become a parent? Every day, our kids grow a day older and remind us that we, too, are getting older. But have you ever wondered if there are things stealing your time each day?
One particular waste of our lives is a terrible treasure hunt that people embark upon after they become parents. The treasure isn’t gold or a lost civilization. No, “X” usually marks the spot for something much more terrifying and you may need a bullwhip to get through the days.
Here are some examples of loot you might find on the worst treasure hunt ever:
1. The Legend of Lost Keys
They’d gone missing two years ago but their memory still haunts you. Should you choose to embark on this journey, just know that you could possibly maim or lose your hand as you shove it into tight spaces looking for your keys to the kingdom.
2. Unidentifiable Food Fossils
The moment an archaeologist discovers a huge fossil find is one they’ll never forget. Samesies for parents when they step on a rogue, fossilized chicken nugget or step into a vat of dumped out apple sauce. It’s both thrilling and nerve-wracking to discover that ancient snacks have survived eons of time.
3. Stain Sediments
This geological treasure find looks like blueberry but smells like it could be a form of pooberry. For ages, pirates and other unwashed rapscallions hid clues to treasure laden with booby traps and other trickery. Make no mistake, these stains are clues that end in the brig, but you’ll want your kids to walk the plank when you find them.
4. Secret Hieroglyphics
History tells us graffiti, if enough time passes, becomes historical. But for kids, that would be at least 18 years. Rearranging a room, or moving a poster could lead to the discovery of some artistic interpretations and early cave drawings on your home. Hopefully, these messages don’t speak ill of their ancestors or use words or symbols that would make even a caveman cry.
5. Extinct Toys & Stuffed Animals
It’s quietly documented in history books that many species no longer exist today that once roamed the earth. But at the time of toy and stuffed animal extinction, the screams could be heard for miles around. Don’t even get me started on passing down an heirloom toy that no longer can be found on shelves only to have it go missing and extinct in my house.
How many years have you spent on this quest for treasure? We’re pretty sure even a professional explorer like Ponce De Leon would’ve given up on this fool’s errand long ago.
How to Be a Dad is a paid contributor to Clorox’s SpinCycle helping you navigate the messiness of parenthood.