Know your ABC's
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Achoocident (aka Nice to Meet Spew)Air-traffic ControlAnd Bingo Was His Stain-OAnti-accidents ApocolipstickB'Oh (aka Harmpits)Bad-et (aka Splashback)Bait 'n' SniffBallpoint When?Bikram CreepumBleachable Moment of TruthBlubbleBoard-‘oeuvresBoogie on DownCanis Cleanis (aka Fur Facial)Car-postingCarpal FunnelCarsick-ickCham-PainChia MatChristmess Clean (s)WeepCling-onConquering HeroCorn PowderedCraps TableCrud CozieCrumb, da-dum-dum-dahD.I.WHYYY?De-IcingDiamonds in the YuckDiapo-hazardDis'stainDisastro-turfDiss RagDon’t Ask, Don’t Smell (aka Statute of Spillatations)Doomvet (aka Uncomforter)Dumpster divingDust CrustEW De ToiletEw-PhoneFail PolishFajita Cleata  Fashion faux-biaFaucet FaceFido FilmFloormét Dining (aka Left Unders)Fon-Don’tFoopForrest ClumpFowl TerritoryFrench Terry DipFridge-a-mortisGerm Squirm (aka Loo Lieu)Germ-inationGerms of EndearmentGloopyGoing Instain, or Temporary InstainityGoop SnoopGrab Gag (aka Mano a Vomo)Grace InvadersGravelLanche GrueslimeHand, Shoe in MouthHappy Birthday to GooHeave-helloHippo-snotamousHippocratic Oaf (aka Germpocracy)Hot Fudge MondayHover Crap (aka Squat Shot)Hunting and GatheringImPAWSibleIn-car-ceratedInsect-insideJalopeeJersey ShineKetchoopsKnot Mannered (aka Nap-tie)Lady in RedLaundreekLeftover RouletteLick Service (aka Spitsicle)Lint-cidentLunch al deskoMat-o-CatMeat BeatsMessissippi CupMetro ManiMine-stainy SoupMinterventionMoldioMoo Goo Gai PainNacho WheezeNamaste-here anymoreNew Years Skeeve Ninja-romaNostraharmus Obsessive Compulsive Before-I-OrderOdorcadeOh-Sol-Me-atoOhmmm-RomaOnion BlipPee eww! (aka Stale Trail)PetrifriesPine Sol-edPolka Dotty PottyPoo-jay'dPoo-namiPoop-edo (aka Tubtanic)Poopcasso (aka Defec-art)PoopocalypsePopcornundrumPortaPanty Public Trans-ick (aka Tush Hour)Pup-cidentPurllowRanch GuessingRear End DerisionRefrige-laterResidoodoo (aka Unfresh Step)Ring of ThronesSasplotch (aka Prints of Darkness)SchmookScummy GummiesSecret GardenShedder CheeseShmerealShoopShoulder to dry onSlobby KnobbySmear CampaignSMELLdoradoSmughSmush KebabSnotMistSnoysSoap SlushSpaghetti Slurp SlopSpill the Beans (aka Splotchalatte)Spill'sieSpillatesSpillmanellaSpit-shine (aka Spittin Image)Splatteral damageStall CrawlSticky ClickerStove-flopSucker YuckerSzechuan DoodlesTakeout WearTeriyucky The Mad SplatterThe MudslideTip-Elo HoneyTiss-cubedToilet MissueToilet TreesTraining-TredsTriple SprayTub GoatTub MudTuppermoatTureen WreckTxture Up the BackUrindropolisUrine LuckUrinfamousVeggie WedgieWash 'n' MoldWhat the Flu?Wine & JeezWonder mark
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poo jayd
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(poo-jayd)
When you are hit with bird poop on your clothes, in your hair, or in your purse. chalk arrow
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"I need a rinse. I just got Poo-jay'd."
"Is it raining? Nope, I just got Poo-jay'd."
shmereal
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(shmeer-ee-uhl)
The residue left when your toddler shmooshes cereal into the carpet. chalk arrow
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"My carpet is speckled with shmereal."
"The dog is having a field day with all of the shmereal."
carsick ick
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(kahr-sik-ick)
When your little one’s breakfast explodes in the car onto the back of the front seat. chalk arrow
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"Too many scrambled eggs + curvy roads = a big round of Carsick-ick!"
"My seat is covered in carsick-ick."
fon dont
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(fawn-dohnt)
Thinking it will be fun to use the fondue set with kids. chalk arrow
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"Cheese dribbles on white. Fon-don't."
"Friday night dinner? Fon-don't."
pine sol ed pine solved
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(pahyn sohld)
When you carefully mop yourself into a corner and must either stay in place for 30 minutes of walk on a wet, clean floor. chalk arrow
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"Mopping 101: Try not to get Pine-Sol-ed."
"I just got Pine-Sol-ed into a corner."
portapanty
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(pawrt-a-pant-ee)
Digging into your clean laundry and finding someone else’s underwear. Hopefully clean. chalk arrow
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"Eww, I just touched a portapanty."
"Who left their portapanty in my whites?"
lunch al desko
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(luhnch al desk-o)
When you scarf lunch at your desk and leave a sticky residue on your keyboard and workspace. chalk arrow
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"Paper sticking to my desk..another classic case of lunch al desko."
"My fingers are sticking to the keys after my lunch al desko."
downward dog dodge
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(doun-werd dawg doj)
The special move that helps you avoid sweat from the person next to you in yoga class. chalk arrow
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"I spent most of class in a Downward Dog Dodge."
"Can someone teach me Downward Dog Dodge?"
public trans ick
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(puhb-lik trans-ick)
Butt sweat on the seat of public transit. chalk arrow
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"I need a bath after my ride on public trans-ick."
"Daily commutes on public trans-ick really makes one want a car."
cling on
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(kling-awn)
When you realize midday that your fresh-out-of-the-dryer pants have a pair of underwear stuck to them. chalk arrow
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"I was so embarrassed as I walked through the day with a cling-on."
"Thanks for telling me that I had a cling-on."
txture
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(tekst-cher)
Smear of fingerprint film on your phone following use by a child. Often smells of peanut butter. chalk arrow
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"My phone has a great txture."
"This morning's txture brought to you by raspberry jam."
tiss cubed
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(tis- kyoobd)
The phenomenon of using a moist, saturated tissue three times more than safely recommended because you're too sick and tired to walk across the room to grab another. chalk arrow
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"My tiss-cubed pile is overflowing."
"My tiss-cubed tissues have seen better days."
ketchoops
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(kech-oops)
The common occurrence of tapping the ketchup bottle and receiving more than enough condiment all over your food, shirt and hair. chalk arrow
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"Red splat on my lap! Ketchoops!"
"Dribble on my whites! Ketchoops!"
disastro turf
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(dih-zas-tro turf)
When you spill a pot of chili all over the artificial grass on your deck while entertaining. chalk arrow
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"Hey Rover! Clean up on the Disastro-turf!"
"Heads up, guests! Don't slip on the Disastro-turf."
poo nami2
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(poo-nah-mee)
A diaper blowout that resembles a natural disaster and leaves a path of emotional destruction. chalk arrow
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"Take cover! It's a Poo-nami!"
"We're still recuperating from last night's poo-nami."
hover crap
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(huhv-er krap)
The ancient skill of squatting in public restrooms to avoid any cont-ack. chalk arrow
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"I am a master at the Hover Crap."
"When you've gotta go, you've gotta ... know the Hover Crap."
spill the beans
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(spil thuh beens)
Any type of coffee disaster. chalk arrow
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"Early morning wake-ups tend to make me spill the beans."
"I always spill the beans first thing in the morning,"
germ squirm
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(jurm skwurm)
The highly regarded life skill of exiting the bathroom without touching anything. chalk arrow
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"I have perfected the Germ Squirm."
"Reading, writing, good manners and Germ Squirm. Life's important lessons."
what the flu
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(whut thuh floo)
The question asked when someone unexpectedly sneezes on you. chalk arrow
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"I just got sprayed! What the Flu?"
"Cover your mouth! What the Flu?"
hot fudge monday
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(hot fuhj muhn-dey)
The ice cream sundae stain you find after the weekend. chalk arrow
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"Judging by Hot Fudge Monday, it must have been a great weekend."
"Saturday birthday party = hot fudge Monday."