- BBQ Sauce
- Berry Stains
- Dog Poop
- Grass Stains
- Nail Polish
- Pet Hair/Dust Bunny
- Soy Sauce
- Spit Up
- Toilet Paper
- Laundry Room
- Living Room
- Public Bathroom
- Remote Control
New Years Skeeve
The mystery stains you find after graciously hosting a New Year's party.
Holiday stains related to pine tree bark, mistletoe, and tinsel.
When your remote control is as sticky as a movie theater floor.
The layer of grime that forms on a deck or patio over the winter.
A bloated, weary, runny nose- and headache-suffering, bedridden sick bed-dweller.
The fine layer of gunk that accumulates that can only come for children's hands.
When your kids' bathtub toy gets so moldy you can't recognize whether it's supposed to be rubber duck or a tugboat.
Marks left on the toilet from a newly trained toddler.
The sludgy, muddy mix tracked in by everyone's shoes, that you later slip in with your socks.
The Friday night take-out stains that inevitably end up on the tablecloth.
The only evidence that your toddler mistook the tub for the toliet.
Transfer of germs onto any number of household surfaces caused by small children’s incessant nose-picking.
The ring of water that stays in plastic lids that is easily spilled onto the lower rack and floor when you take them out of the dishwasher.
The cardio activity of removing mold.
A cloud of tiny toddler snot droplets suspended in your home's atmosphere which will eventually find a safe landing spot on your kitchen counters.
Toilet paper that misses the toilet bowl.
When the pile of whites is so high and so rank that you'd SWEAR you just saw it move.
Army crawling between multiple stalls in public restrooms.
Hunting and Gathering
(huhn-ting and gath-er-ing)
When pets bring unknown "gifts" into the house from outside.
A ring of urine droplets left atop an un-raised toilet seat by boys under the age of ten.
Tapping a cut of raw beef with your hand like a drum.
Denying responsibility for spilling a drink that causes a stain in someone else's house.
When your favorite shade of make-up ends up on your significant other's shirt after you hug them.
Ring of Thrones
(ring uhv throhns)
The tell-tale sign that the bathroom “throne” needs some shining.
When kids run into the house trailing gravel and other dirt everywhere.
Glue and glitter laden fingertips after the kids finally finish their art projects.
That feeling when you just can't deal with cleaning out the fridge tonight, and decide you'll take care of it tomorrow.
Offering a friend a breath mint or piece of gum without making a big fuss about his or her bad breath.
Going Instain, or Temporary Instainity
The act of losing your mind when a spot simply won't come out.
The germ infested risk associated with public changing stations
Spaghetti Slurp Slop
(spuh-get-ee slurp slop)
When your toddler slurps down their spaghetti, and neither bib nor bubble, can prevent spaghetti sauce from wreaking havoc on their whites.
When every single person you encounter during the day coughs or sneezes on you in the height of flu season.
A ring of urine droplets left atop an un-raised toilet seat by older child or teenager.
When all the ice from the glass you're drinking out of suddenly all collapses onto your face and clothes.
When changing a baby boy's diaper and he pees in an arc that ends up across your face or in your hair.
When your dog decides to roll in other dogs' poop.
The catch-all phrase for anything gross and gooey that collects in a corner.
When it's a day past laundry day and you decide to rewear a "lightly worn" white shirt
Mysterious pieces of solid waste that can pop up anywhere n the home when raising a toddler.
The pee that accumulates on the far side of the bottom of the toilet where no one ever remembers to clean until it's too late.
Those inevitable spills from a juice box onto your child's first-day-at-school outfit.
When you wear white and therefore inevitably spill your entire lunch down your shirt.
What the bride becomes after getting beer spilled on her wedding dress.
Auto de feh
(aw-to day fay)
The instant stench that hits you when you crack open the car door.
OH no! Lato-pee-a
When the three boys always miss the bowl in the bathroom.
When your child tries to imitate your wall plastering technique around the house with unknown substances.
When kids spill their drinks across the table while rushing to catch the bus or ride.
When the entire plate of food falls into your lap.
That feeling when you know the dishwasher won't remove the glued-on cereal left in the yesterday's bowl, but you decide to try it anyway.
The odor that comes from a big boy/girl's bed when you pee through your diaper three nights in a row.
Share-spiration (aka Treadswill)
When sweat from a neighboring treadmill user sprays on you.
When the poop from the diaper gets on the one-sie.
Drippity Doo Dah
(drip-id-dee doo dah)
The drips of stale water that collect in the bottom of the dirty toilet brush holder.
Shoe-dew (aka Sump Pumps)
When your shoes get wet and end up covered in mildew or mold.
The feeling you get when you see errant stains inside purses and makeup bags because the lipstick cap fell off.
Wiped-out (aka Wipe’s Wipe)
The clean wipe you use as a scoop to avoid touching the pile of dirty poop wipes.
El Piño (aka Peestream)
The not-entirely-unpleasant phenomenon of pee heating up a body of water such as bath or pool.
The covering on your very fancy, brand new, white couch minutes after children have been on it.
When you sniff that shirt on the floor, note the odd smell, but convince yourself it's wearable anyway.
Making a piece of art of out your dog's paw print on the floor.
World War P’s
(world wawr peez)
The battle against pee & puke & poop that no parent can win. You can't wave a white flag when there is nothing left that is white.
Staining the bathroom with hair dye as you try to beautify yourself.
Egg Drop Soup (aka First Down)
(eg drop soop)
When the dream of carrying all the shopping bags from the car in one single trip meets the reality of cheap bags and gravity.
The landscape inside the vase that occurs when flowers die and you never cleaned out the water.
The marks left on a shiny surface such as glass or stainless steel when water drops dry.
The gloppy mess left in your tub from a leaking conditioner bottle.
The brown layer of sludge that forms inside a dog bowl if it's not cleaned daily.
And Bingo Was His Stain-O
(and bing-oh wuhz hiz steyn-o)
Correctly identifying a mystery stain.
A sweaty stranger who plops down next to you in yoga.
Diamonds in the Yuck
(dahy-muhnds in thuh yuhk)
Finding inorganic items (e.g., coins, sand, paper napkin) in a poop-filled diaper.
The fancy layer of cat fur that builds up on upholstery and carpets.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Smell (aka Statute of Spillatations)
(dohnt ahsk dohnt smel)
The policy for any mess that is discovered a month or more later.
The sensation of regret felt immediately upon allowing your child to pour their own milk.
When items fall onto the floor in a shared laundry room and become covered in lint.
Bleachable Moment of Truth
(bleech-uh-bul moh-muhnt uhv trooth)
Whether to keep it (and bleach it) or toss it.
When a minivan is so saturated with the stench of spilled milk and mildewy shin guards that the odor penetrates to the closest five cars in traffic.
Lipstick graffiti on your walls.
When you've spent hours cleaning expecting company… then they cancel at the last minute.
Dog hair that has shed everywhere, even inside the dairy drawer of your fridge.
The towel that you won't dry the dishes with because it looks too gross.
Hand, Shoe in Mouth
(hand shoo in mouth)
When your baby has 24 chew toys attached to his or her stroller but finds more joy in chewing on their shoe.
B’Oh (aka Harmpits)
The sweat stains which blossom under shirt arms.
The pee stain that runs down the side of a potty or toilet that results in a puddle on the floor.
Residoodoo (aka Unfresh Step)
Dog poop that is difficult to remove from shoe crevices.
Stain from eating potato chips and dip.
The dust left on one’s face after inhaling a tub of popcorn at the movies.
Betting there will be a disaster when you go to change your baby in the mall restroom.
Foolishly trusting the "popcorn" button on the microwave to properly toast your kernels, only to return to a charred bag of black crusts and a kitchen full of smoke.
The Mad Splatter
(thuh mad splat-er)
The mess created when your kid has a tantrum while working with paint on his art project.
When you find a brown stain on kid's clothes and have to wonder if it's poop, chocolate, or marker.
Spit-shine (aka Spittin Image)
Cleaning your kid's face with spit.
A toy that one child sneezes on that another child quickly picks up.
The week-old chicken wings found in the back of your fridge.
Canis Cleanis (aka Fur Facial)
When Fido licks your toddler's face like it’s a lollipop.
Ink stain that came at what point in your work day?
When your toddler spills the honey bear after playing with it at the kitchen table.
When a binky is covered in dried food and needs a serious cleanin'.
Bad-et (aka Splashback)
The flush that sprays back up and gives you a refreshing spritz.
Houseguests who use your personal toiletry items.
The stain you get at the county fair while trying to juggle assorted snacks in one hand and a funnel cake in the other.
The stain from a sub sandwich that attacks your lap because it was over-layered.
The state achieved when your yoga class gets too full of sweaty people.
When you pull out your camping equipment for a family trip and your tent and sleeping bags are full of bugs.
When you look briefly away from a simmering pot of food and it boils over onto the stove.
Ruining your newly painted nails because you really didn’t have the dry time necessary between to-dos to keep the paint from marking your shirt.
Hot Fudge Monday
(hot fuhj muhn-dey)
The ice cream sundae stain you find after the weekend.
What the Flu?
(whut thuh floo)
The question asked when someone unexpectedly sneezes on you.
Germ Squirm (aka Loo Lieu)
The highly regarded life skill of exiting the bathroom without touching anything.
Spill the Beans (aka Splotchalatte)
(spil thuh beens)
Any type of coffee disaster.
Hover Crap (aka Squat Shot)
The ancient skill of squatting in public restrooms to avoid any cont-ack.
A diaper blowout that resembles a natural disaster and leaves a path of emotional destruction.
When you spill a pot of chili all over the artificial grass on your deck while entertaining.
The common occurrence of tapping the ketchup bottle and receiving more than enough condiment all over your food, shirt and hair.
The phenomenon of using a moist, saturated tissue three times more than safely recommended because you're too sick and tired to walk across the room to grab another.
Smear of fingerprint film on your phone following use by a child. Often smells of peanut butter.
Shoulder to dry on
(shohl-der to drahy on)
When you console a crying kid with a hug, and end up with a day-long sample of snot residue on your sweater.
When you realize midday that your fresh-out-of-the-dryer pants have a pair of underwear stuck to them.
Public Trans-ick (aka Tush Hour)
Butt sweat on the seat of public transit.
Downward Dog Dodge
(doun-werd dawg doj)
The special move that helps you avoid sweat from the person next to you in yoga class.
Lunch al desko
(luhnch al desk-o)
When you scarf lunch at your desk and leave a sticky residue on your keyboard and workspace.
Digging into your clean laundry and finding someone else’s underwear. Hopefully clean.
The relaxed feeling you get when you walk into your clean smelling house, regardless of how many toys are still on the floor.
The unknown odor that appears throughout your house for no good reason.
Bait ‘n’ Sniff
"When you forget you have company coming over and only have enough time to pick up clutter and aromatize to give the sense of clean."
The cleaning process of cleaning, disinfecting and aromatizing.
The makeshift napkin barrier placed atop a baby's head while you are eating and they're under your mouth, in the infant carrier.
The explosion from your mouth from biting a jalapeno while eating nachos.
The buildup of soap crud that collects in a wet soap dish, somehow making soap seem dirty.
Moo Goo Gai Pain
(moo goo guy pan)
After doing a load of laundry, the fortune cookie crumbles you discover in your husband’s pants pocket that he forgot to take out.
The stain you get while fighting others while trying to ladle soup at the salad bar.
Rear End Derision
(reer end dih-rizh-uhn)
The stain you get from the fender bender you caused while trying to apply makeup in the car.
When you carefully mop yourself into a corner and must either stay in place for 30 minutes of walk on a wet, clean floor.
Thinking it will be fun to use the fondue set with kids.
When your little one’s breakfast explodes in the car onto the back of the front seat.
The residue left when your toddler shmooshes cereal into the carpet.
When you are hit with bird poop on your clothes, in your hair, or in your purse.
Lick Service (aka Spitsicle)
Performing a quick clean of a binky, grape, fruit or other small item ... in your own mouth.
Emergency Broadcast Scream (aka Up Chuck Alarm)
(ih-mur-juhn-see brawd-kast skreem)
The blood curdling scream your child makes in the middle of the night just before his or her stomach rebels. It is not a test.
Grooming oneself (e.g., nails, brows) on public transportation. Always a pleasure for everyone.
Wash ‘n’ Mold
(wahsh n mohld)
The slime that hides inside of a washing machine door.
Knot Mannered (aka Nap-tie)
The type of man who uses his work tie as a napkin.
Doomvet (aka Uncomforter)
When all avenues of avoidance have been exhausted and you end up having to use the gross hotel bedspread.
The extra vegetable gunk left over on the cutting board after you slice peppers, onions, etc.
Achoocident (aka Nice to Meet Spew)
The thoughtful act of sneezing into someone's face.
Floormét Dining (aka Left Unders)
Leftovers on the floor that the crawling baby seems to love.
The gross moldy fungus forest that grows in the shadow of the toilet behind those hard-to-scrub spots.
Sticky rice pieces that adhere to your kid’s pants after eating that give them a new runway look.
The feeling you have when you're stuck in traffic and your child is having a car seat meltdown.
Removing goopy ear wax or eye mucus and making it quietly disappear.
When the puppy has an accident on your new wood floor.
The yucky mass of fluids that fill the car cupholder after sodas and coffees spill there.
The stain from vegetable soup at an Italian restaurant.
When your Middle Eastern takeout falls off the kitchen counter.
When your dog gets mud prints on your white couch
EW De Toilet
(ew duh twa-let)
The scent of the toilet area
Where you keep the cat's litter box
Where your child has hidden those vegetables from dinner they didn't want to eat
Lady in Red
(ley-dee in red)
The new nickname you get after spilling so much Shiraz on your white shirt by the end of the night
Surprise filth that sticks to your fingers after touching what you thought was a clean surface
Hippocratic Oaf (aka Germpocracy)
Person who sends child to school even when they know they are sick
When your baby spits up on a person you're talking to
Happy Birthday to Goo
(hap-ee burth-dey too goo)
Stains left on kids clothes from birthday party stickers
Grab Gag (aka Mano a Vomo)
The misfortune of catching vomit in your hands
Germs of Endearment
(jurms uhv en-deer-muhnt)
When your little loved one accidentally sneezes in your face and clothes
(frij ah mawr-tis)
Liquids in your veggie drawer that harden over time
French Terry Dip
(french ter-ee dip)
When your bathrobe belt decides to take a dip in the toilet
Caked on grass stains on a kid’s pants
Baby puts foot in soiled diaper and it gets all over floor
When your little one’s face is just a mess of fluids… tears, drool and snot are all mixed together. You don't know where one liquid ends and the other begins.
Fear of wearing nice clothes around toddlers
Mexican food found trapped in the bottom of your kid’s soccer shoes from dinner after a big game
The feel of your smart phone after your kid gets his mitts all over it
The aquatic sport of fetching things dropped in the toilet. Protective gear recommended.
Removing a frosting stain from your child’s shirt after a birthday party
Mystery crumbs or dirt discovered in a hidden place on your counter
When your bathroom mat starts to grow mold that looks like hair
When your shirt gets more of your New Year’s Eve toast than your mouth
A moldy piece of food left in a car that literally starts to compost
The trail of mucus and saliva left during temper tantrums
Boogie on Down
(boo-ghee awn doun)
Removing your kid’s snot from a winter blanket
Lingering crumbs in your keyboard from one too many work lunches
When your lipstick ends up on more than just your lips.
Berry stains on your clothes
People who wipe down and disinfect airplane seats and tray tables
The sweaty glow on people's faces at bars, clubs
The leak from the baby’s diaper onto the car floor.
Wine & Jeez
(wahyn and jeez)
The stain that turns your white shirt into a Merlot color
A toddler goes potty successfully for the first time
Up the Back
(uhp thuh bak)
The baby has a blow out that escapes the diaper through the rear door
Mess caused by sudden cabin shift while in flight
The pattern that your lo mein noodles make when they fall on the floor
The mess caused by poor aim, particularly around the toilet
Raw chicken juice from a marinade that spills on the floor
Stretching exercises that tone muscles and improve flexibility when you’re wiping up spills under tables and on countertops
The refrigerator handle that is full of grease and other stuff
Dog poop that makes its way into the house on the bottom of your shoe
The dog hair and dust bunny encrusted gummy bears under the couch
Sasplotch (aka Prints of Darkness)
Mysterious giant footprint through the house
Figuring out which part of your salad stained your shirt
A pillow that has transformed into another furry companion
Potty Maiming (aka Polka Dotty Potty or First Miss)
The stains caused when potty training goes awry
Poop-edo (aka Tubtanic)
Baby poop in the bath tub
End of Days brought on by an epic baby blowout
Week-old French fries found stuck in the toddler's high chair
Poopcasso (aka Defec-art)
Kid paints the wall with poop
Pee eww! (aka Stale Trail)
Toilet that really, really smells of urine
Song-worthy meat stains
Obsessive Compulsive Before-I-Order
(uhb-ses-iv kuhn-puhl-siv bif-fawr-ahy-awr-der)
Person who personally wipes down table and chairs at a restaurant
Toddler trying to drink out of real cup
Deciding what's in the food container in the back of the fridge, when it's from and if it's still good.