5 Signs of Dirty Politics

Get out the vote ... and a case of wipes.

People debate whether or not politics is dirty. But there’s no debate that political offices are dirty — we’re talking, like, actually dirty. Gross. Sticky. With icky things in weird places.

Here are 5 of the worst offenders:

1. Napkins. They say lots of deals are drawn up on the back of a napkin. Well, what do you think happens to all those used napkins? They litter the hallways and desks of political interns desperate to figure out if that chicken scratch is a number 5 or the letter S.

2. Phones. Remember old-school phones, with a handset and a cradle? (As opposed to the handset you plug into your smartphone for retro fun.) Well, those things are not only vintage, so is their grime. If you encounter one, make sure you wipe it down before figuring out how to use that rotary dial.

3. Undershirts. It’s standard fare for a politician to have a few changes of clothes in the office, just in case they have a last minute event. But what happens to the discarded white t-shirts of the male politicians? It’s a safe bet they need a good bleaching to get rid of the flop sweat of the day.

4. Keyboards. The office staff of many politicians don’t have time to go out for lunch. That’s why their keyboards are littered with the crumbs of so many hastily eaten sandwiches. A hand vac will do to clean up that mess, unless you’re really really hungry …

5. Private bathroom. There’s only one way a politician knows that he or she has really made it — and it’s not the love of the people. And if they do get their own throne, they’re going to need their own scepter to keep it clean. Well they won’t, but the intern will.

Democracy is messy, but does it have to be this disgusting? Get out the vote … and a case of wipes.

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