6 Chores That Should Be Banned

Here are a few chores that somehow, if scientifically possible, should just be banned altogether.

Some chores fill you with the gratification that comes with a job well done. Other chores fill you with rage. Here are a few chores that somehow, if scientifically possible, should just be banned altogether.


    1. Dusting. As soon as you wipe down the breakfront, you notice tiny particles of dust swirling in the light. You just can’t beat it. So why not join it? One idea would be to let the dust remain on all surfaces until it forms a sort of fluffy, protective shell around your wood furniture. Or create a quick home amusement park by using a good wood cleaner on the floor and walking around in socks.


    1. Laundry. There are three things certain in life: death, taxes, and laundry. We all need clean clothes, but the mind-numbing cycle never stops: you clean, you dry, you fold, you put away, you dirty, you clean, you dry, you kind of fold, you leave a pile on the couch, you collapse. We’d all be better off wearing recycled paper jumpsuits.


    1. Dishes. Even if you have a fancy dishwasher, you still need to rinse some dishes. This means that you’ll need to touch mushy substances of unknown origin. Let’s ban dishes and instead put everything into baby food pouches. Have you tried those? Some of them are pretty tasty. And you never have to wash a thing.


    1. Toilet cleaning. When will science create a self-cleaning toilet? C’mon science, step up your game!


    1. Rugs. There is almost nothing more annoying than the endless balls of fuzzy pilling that shed off of your rug and collect in the corners of your room. Except inadvertently stepping on tiny, hard items stuffed deeply into the piles of the rug.


  1. Oven cleaning. The oven has a door for a reason. Just shut it and forget all about the crusty black buildup caked around the gratings. It has all been really well-cooked so it’s probably harmless.

So strike up the band and give yourself more time for important pastimes like TV watching, reading tabloids, and driving your kids around to their extracurricular activities.

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